I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize