I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize