Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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