So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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