how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize