as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
