I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
