guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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