Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
