i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
