I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
