On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
