That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
