Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
