i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
