I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
