I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
