she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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