so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
