moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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