anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
