I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
