she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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