Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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