yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
