You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
