Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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