don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
