I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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