From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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