eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
