alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
