if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
