her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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