Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
