it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize