i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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