i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize