apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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