my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
