Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
