took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
