I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
