He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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