is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
