Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
