How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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