On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
