i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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