dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
