please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
