you traded sex for a burrito?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
