That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My cat gives me a boner
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
