ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
