Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
