He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
