You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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