Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
