he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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