So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
