She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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