I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
