if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
