I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
