you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
