dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
