so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
