Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
