He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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