as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
