MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
